Once it’s been established where you are from, conversation will usually move to what you do for a crust. While it is completely acceptable to answer by saying that you ‘wear the same pair of jocks for a month’, it is impolite not to give a serious answer. You may name your profession or field of interest. Here are some examples.
Gumment
The Government, elected by the people every three years. The public faces of Gumment are Pollies (which see). Most 'Strayans are too apathetic to know who is in gumment at any given time and few actually give a toss until taxes are raised. No ‘Strayan gumment is especially distinct from another and it is a prerequisite skill in gumment to be a highly proficient bullshit artist.
The Government, elected by the people every three years. The public faces of Gumment are Pollies (which see). Most 'Strayans are too apathetic to know who is in gumment at any given time and few actually give a toss until taxes are raised. No ‘Strayan gumment is especially distinct from another and it is a prerequisite skill in gumment to be a highly proficient bullshit artist.
Those employed in the public service are collectively known as Gumment Workers, a term used loosely and which should more accurately be gumment employees to avoid the inference of any actual yakka being conducted. Some types are known as Bureaucrats who are unable to function beyond a rigid set of rules (often referred to as ‘the regulations’ or ‘policy’ or 'red tape') and speak a indecipherable language all of their own known as Bureaucratic Crap. They are usually a type of bludger (which see) .
Pollies
Politicians. Elected gumment policy makers. Pollies, and the gumment in general, are held responsible by many ‘Strayans for whatever malady or perceived injustice befalls them, this is especially true of bludgers and bogans whose only legal source of income is the dole or compo (which see).
The Dole
Unemployment benefits paid by the gumment to unemployed persons for the purpose of feeding themselves. In the case of white blokes who have previously been employed, the dole is impossible to get. It is most easily obtained by Kiwis, Abos, Reffos and anyone else who can demonstrate a proficiency for bludging (which see).
Unemployment benefits paid by the gumment to unemployed persons for the purpose of feeding themselves. In the case of white blokes who have previously been employed, the dole is impossible to get. It is most easily obtained by Kiwis, Abos, Reffos and anyone else who can demonstrate a proficiency for bludging (which see).
Compo
Similar to the dole, but subsidised by employers and intended as a source of income to someone injured at work, and thus unable to earn an income. Like the dole, obtaining compo is almost impossible for anyone who genuinely needs it. The distribution of beneficiaries is, like the dole, heavily skewed in favour of Bludgers, notably Reffos and Wogs.
Similar to the dole, but subsidised by employers and intended as a source of income to someone injured at work, and thus unable to earn an income. Like the dole, obtaining compo is almost impossible for anyone who genuinely needs it. The distribution of beneficiaries is, like the dole, heavily skewed in favour of Bludgers, notably Reffos and Wogs.
Sickie
A paid day off work due to in theory to illness, in fact being crook (which see in I FEEL CROOK ) has nothing to do with taking a sickie.
A paid day off work due to in theory to illness, in fact being crook (which see in I FEEL CROOK ) has nothing to do with taking a sickie.
Bludger
A malingerer or lazy person who is adverse to hard yakka and is more likely to be observed gynning around. There are many types of bludger, but the most maligned is a specific strain of parasite known as a Dole Bludger. ‘Straya’s generous dole results in a disturbing ubiquity of these parasites which live off gumment handouts, making no real effort to alter their circumstances and concurrently providing no benefit to the surrounding eco-system. The Dole Bludger is most prevalent amongst Bogan and Surfer populations. Other forms of Bludger include Wharfies, Brickies, most gumment workers, and most people on compo.
A malingerer or lazy person who is adverse to hard yakka and is more likely to be observed gynning around. There are many types of bludger, but the most maligned is a specific strain of parasite known as a Dole Bludger. ‘Straya’s generous dole results in a disturbing ubiquity of these parasites which live off gumment handouts, making no real effort to alter their circumstances and concurrently providing no benefit to the surrounding eco-system. The Dole Bludger is most prevalent amongst Bogan and Surfer populations. Other forms of Bludger include Wharfies, Brickies, most gumment workers, and most people on compo.
Sit Around Like a Stale Bottle of Piss
To be idle, useless or having a bludge.
As in “My mate is a wharfy and all he does is sit around like a stale bottle of piss!”
As in “My mate is a wharfy and all he does is sit around like a stale bottle of piss!”
Also as “Mate you’re about as useful as a stale bottle of piss!”
Wharfie
One who is employed by a harbour board for the express purpose of loading and unloading cargo from merchant shipping. In actual fact, these bludgers are only active at night when overtime and penalty remunerations are charged. Daylight activity, when it is observed, is only witnessed at Smoko and Knockoff (which see). At all other times, Wharfies are catatonic.
One who is employed by a harbour board for the express purpose of loading and unloading cargo from merchant shipping. In actual fact, these bludgers are only active at night when overtime and penalty remunerations are charged. Daylight activity, when it is observed, is only witnessed at Smoko and Knockoff (which see). At all other times, Wharfies are catatonic.
Brickie: One who is employed in the construction industry. Apparently active, given the continuing proliferation of new buildings, but never actually seen in action by observers, particularly in the event of any dispute, or in the absence of bonus payments for on time completion of a project.
Cockie: Farmer.
Worth noting is the ingenuity displayed by most cockies, who are responsible for the infamous Cockie’s Gates, these being improvised means of continuing fencing across roads and usually barely distinguishable from the adjacent fence. Each one is unique and their negotiation presents a considerable, usually frustrating, mental challenge for any passing driver.
Cookie: The form of address when summoning a cook or chef.
Council Worker:
Employed nominally to undertake road works and other maintenance within a town, city, district or shire council’s area of responsibility, Council ‘workers’ is a loosley applied sobriquet indeed. They are usually observed leaning upon various tools at the side of a road, on rare occassions watching one of their colleques going through the motions of some form of task or playing with a powered tool or vehical. They are readily identified with the bright orange plumage displayed proudly on the torso, the most dangerous is the Lollipop Man, who controls traffic using a sign resembling a lollipop bearing a ‘slow’ sign on the obverse and a ‘stop’ sign on the reverse. This semi-evolved man will moderate his instructions to a random whim, with consequent frustrating effect on drivers. He considers his duties paramount to the fate of the universe, and will readily chastise any driver who he deems to be irresponsible. This is despite his occupancy of the lowest tiers of the human food chain.
Personal Assistant:
A lowly secretary, often blonde and hired based on the size of her norks (which see in WANNA ROOT?), the industry standard being recognised as a D cup (so I’m reliably informed). Usually claimed to be of indispensable importance, they are in fact a disposable item, especially after they have been rooted by the head sherang (which see).
M.P.: A type of inert mineral.
The Head Sherang:
Usually an inert occupier of a large seat whose sole responsibility is to spend the dough made by the employees and to administer the occasional reefing. If you are lucky, he may in fact be a piss-head . Also referred to The Boss or the Top Dog.
Artist: Also Artiste or Arty-Farty. See Wanker or Bludger.
Actor: See Wanker or Bludger.
Student: If looking like a Dag, then see Artist or Actor.
Politics Student: See Wanker or bullshit artist.
Coppers: Police, also shortened to Cops.
P’leese: Eastern state’s sobriquet for their crime enforcement constabulary.
The Johns: Coppers, very seldom heard in contemporary conversation.
Pigs: Coppers. This term is favoured by Bogans, who make up the bulk of a Copper’s clientele.
The Cop Shop: Police station. Where Coppers work and consume doughnuts.
JW, BUFF, c’mon guys, you MUST have a FUNNY pic to stick here....
Brown Bomber:
Former sobriquet for Adelaide parking inspectors, owing to their brown uniforms. These were discarded in favour of blue (officially to improve the public image, more likely to save dough by using surplus copper’s uniforms) and at the launch of the new look, the sobriquet ‘Blue Angels’ was touted and the public encouraged to take up the new name. Unsurprisingly, this load of wank was instantly rejected and they are now known as Blue Bastards.
Digger: A soldier of any Corps in the Australian Army, specifically a Private (or equivalent: Sapper, Gunner, Trooper, Patrolman, Sig, Craftsman).
Anchor Wanker: A sailor, as distinct from a boatie (which see).
Sparkie: An electrician
Chippie: A carpenter
Wood butcher:
See chippy
Having The Nuts:
Having the courage, willingness or strength of character to undertake a task involving risk or challenge. Similar to the common ‘Having the Guts’, Seppo ‘Having the Balls’ or Pommy ‘Having the Testicular Fortitude’, as in, “you don’t have the nuts to drink four litres of milk in twenty minutes!”, or “invading Gallipoli?! Only the ANZACs have the nuts for that!”.
Hard Yakka: Hard work, Equivalent of the Pommy ‘Hard Graft’. Usually not seen at places where work is allegedly taking place, Especially wherever wharfies are present.
Bust A/Your Gut(s):
See Hard Yakka. Usually in the form of a warning statement “Don’t bust your gut mate!”.
Hook In: The act of joining others and assisting in hard yakka.
Doing/Putting In The Hard Yards:
One who is making prodigious effort at a given task, most commonly refering to the task of sinking piss (which see in ON THE PISS), is said to be Putting In The Hard Yards. This can also be abreiviated to Putting In The Yards.
Going Hard: See Putting In The Hard Yards.
Flat Out Like A Lizard Drinking:
Describing the state of being swamped or overwhelmed with work. Usually used sarcastically to describe the exact opposite.
Busier Than A Bricklayer In Beirut:
See flat out like a lizard drinking.
Out Here!: (Stated with a hand folded forward at the end of an outstretched arm). This is a reference to an un-naturally large erection, it is indicative of a subject reaching great pinnacles of acheivement typically through great personal effort or perseverance. As in “Johnno ran home from his vasectomy and then went rock climbing! Fair dinkum he must have been out here!”, or “I was sweating like a rapist watching crimewatch standing at the top of the bungy platform, but once I’d jumped, fair dinkum I was fucken out here!”.
Like A Skinned Cat:
Fast, referring to the speed with which a task is being completed, as in “when he got busted rooting this shelia by her old man, he was out of the ‘ouse like a skinned cat”. (See also herbing in ...AND GETTING THERE).
Like A Raped Ape:
See like a skinned cat, as in “Go down the road, with the speed of a raped ape, and get the head sherang for me”, or “Once the Sarge bawled him out, he was off like a raped ape!”.
Like A Headless Chook:
When the subject is moving like a raped ape, but in an erratic, non-productive fashion.
Put A Rocket Up His/Her Arse:
To incite someone to start moving like a skinned cat, usually by giving the subject a reefing for his or her limited progress.
Job For ‘Ron: A job for later on, to be commenced, completed or contemplated in the (usually distant) future.
Spell: Spell has a paradoxical application in ‘Strayan. As with most Poms, Seppos or other English speakers, Spell can mean to take one’s turn at a task, be it hard yakka, or otherwise, as in, “here mate take a spell at the wheel.”
A further example is when playing cricket, the time during which a bowler is bowling consecutive overs is called a spell.
Conversely, Spell may also mean to have a break from a particular activity, especially when the activity in question is arduous hard yakka, as in, “Mate, give me the shovel and have a spell.”
Gyn(ning) around/about:
The opposite to hooking in. Malingering, doing nothing constructive. Similar to Hanging around.
Scratching Your Balls:
See gynning about.
Contemplating Your Navel:
See gynning around. Usually used when the reason for gynning about is beyond one’s own control, as in “I sat around all day contemplating my navel, ‘cause some dopey bludger didn’t rock up!”
Like An Old Mole At A Christening:
An adjective attached to anyone who is slow, indecisive or to a lesser degree disorganised, as in
“Aren’t you ready yet? You’ve been getting dressed for ages, you’re like an old mole at a christening!”
Christmas: An event which is deemed likely to occur before an old mole at a christening arrives or completes a task, thus when one’s challenge “are you ready yet?” is answered with the retort “I’m COMING!”, one’s answer should be “so’s Christmas!”
Too Slow To Keep Worms In A Tin:
See like an old mole in a christening.
Slow As A Wet Weak:
See like an old mole in a christening.
Wouldn’t Work In An Iron Lung:
Description of one who is not given to hooking in to any yakka, see bludger and wharfie, (see also jack prick in STICKS AND STONES)
Rock Show: Army parlance for a task which has been poorly (dis)organised, thus resulting in a bunch of diggers gynning around. As in “Bugger this rock show! I’m off down the boozer.”
Couldn’t Organise A Piss-Up In A Brewery:
Describes the organisational skills of one who is disorganised (the implication to that effect is quite obvious), as in
“The United Nations couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery!”
Couldn’t Organise A Country Shithouse:
See couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery.
Couldn’t Organise A Root In A Whore House:
See couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery.
Also Couldn’t Organise A Root In A Brothel With A Fist Full Of Fifties.
Couldn’t Run A Bath:
See couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery.
Gunna: Abbreviation of the verb going to. Also a name given to someone who is always gunna do something(s) and never actually produces the promised results.
Don’t Stand There Like A Stunned Mullet!:
Move. Quickly. Also as Instead Of Standing There Like A Stunned Mullet...
A Dog’s Breakfast:
Something which is used, most frequently by members of the armed forces above the rank of lance corporal, as a standard against which something disorderly or untidy is compared, as in “This uniform looks like a dog’s breakfast!”
A Mad Woman’s Shit:
See a dog’s breakfast, in particular relating to a disorderly arrangement of stores or soldiers, as in “You lot are all over the place like a mad woman’s shit!”
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