Chewing The Fat

Once the pleasantries are finished, and a ‘Strayan has decided you are not bad, you can start yarnin’. Though not strictly necessary, you may need to find out someone’s name, or more precisely their nickname. As a rough guide,  add the letter ‘y’ the end of their surname, or a letter ’o’ to the end of their given name and use the one which sounds the least dopey. Thus Mr Smith would be ‘Smithy’ and John would be ‘Jonno’. This is complicated by multi-syllable names, which are first truncated,  thus Jonathan becomes ‘Jonno’. Sheila’s names are sometimes truncated as required and suffixed with ‘-a’ or ‘-azza’ so Sharon becomes ‘Shazza’, Geraldine becomes ‘Jezza’. Other more obscure names most likely stem from distinct physical attributes (‘Lofty’, ‘Tiny’, ‘Rhino’), habitual gestures or actions (‘Moggie’, ‘Budgie’, ‘Whinger’), mental capacity (‘Professor’, ’Nut’, ‘Donk’) or obvious race of origin (‘Yella Fella’, ‘Kaiser’ or ‘Kiwi’).

Yarning itself will often occur somewhere serving alcohol, such as the local pub, especially if you are out in the sticks. Any English speaker will have no trouble in being understood, provided the choice of vocabulary is, at least for starters, kept simple and spoken slowly especially in the sticks where everyone speaks like an old mole at a christening (don’t be fooled into thinking this is because everyone is a few cans short of a six-pack ).  The single most common traits in ‘Strayan speaking,  are the reluctance to use the letter ‘h’ at the beginning of a word and the dropping of the last letters or even syllables of long words, particularly the ‘g’ off the end of words ending in –ing. Thus one’s ‘owse is actually their house, drivin’ is driving and ‘ammerin’ is hammering.

To really appreciate ‘Strayan conversation and humour, you may wish to acquaint yourself a few of the more everyday expression. Another common form of expression in ‘Strayan is the use of rhyming slang, which can be a source of great confusion among rubber-necks as the terms used betray bewilderingly little of the actual object they describe. Beware of the traps for young players…

Yarn

A discussion. Most frequently as ‘a yarn’, as in “We had a yarn”, or less frequently ‘yarning’, as in “we’re yarning”. Also as ‘to spin a yarn’.

Chewing The Fat

See yarn. Also common is the Seppo term 'Shooting the shit'.

Chin Wag

See yarn.

Yarp

See yarn. 

Gasbag(ging)    

Yarping for a protracted period, without actually saying anything constructive, as in "Will you two stop gas bagging and get to work!".

Reckon

Say or believe. In past tense said as reckoned. Used as, “I reckon this bloke’s a girl’s blouse.” or “I was pretty pumped when Kylie reckoned she’d be up for a root”.

Between You, Me And The Gatepost,...

In confidence,...

‘Ken Oath!

Truncated form of Fucken Oath! which is to say ‘my oath’ (yes indeed) but lent added emphasis by use of the prefix fucken. A far less pretentious way of saying yes than ‘absolutely’, which is favoured by various wankers (see Wanker in STICKS AND STONES)

Fill Your Boots

Positive response to a request for goods or services, as in “ya want a coldie?, they’re over in the esky mate, go an’ fill ya boots!”

Dog and Bone

Rhyming slang for telephone.

Warwick’s (Farm)

Rhyming slang for arm.

Captain Cook

Rhyming slang for look.

Butcher’s (Hook)

See Captain Cook

Optic Nerve

Rhyming slang for perve. A prolonged look at members of the opposite gender, prefferably scantly clothed, such as at the beach. 

Frog An’ Toad

Rhyming slang for road.

Barry (Crocker)

Rhyming slang for shocker. Description of anything shocking, unfortunate, unfavourable or unwanted. As in “this hair cut is a bit of a Barry Crocker!”

Jack An’ Jill

Rhyming slang for bill (which Seppo’s erroneously refer to as a ‘cheque’).

Froth An’ Bubble

Rhyming slang for trouble.

Trouble and Strife

Rhyming slang for Wife.

Tin Lids

Rhyming slang for kids. (human children as opposed to goats, which are in fact the exotic half of a mixed marriage in Un Zid).

Yap

Mouth.

Gob

see yap.

Cake Hole

see yap.

Bloke

A man

Sheila

A woman. Also a now uncommon girl's name.

Fella

See bloke. Short for fellow and used a lot by Abos (see Abo in WHERE’RE YA FROM MATE?), usually with a descriptive precursor such as black fella, white fella, good fella.

Sprog

A young child (See Sprog also in WANNA ROOT).

Bugger

In correct English, the act of sodomy.

See mate, often used warmly, as in “G’Day you old bugger!”, alternatively a term of bewilderment, as in “I’ll be buggered!” or “bugger me!”, or an exclamation of exasperation or disdain, as in “Bugger it!”. Describing unservicability or excessive wear as buggered, as in “The car’s buggered!”. An adjective in the form (big) bugger, as in “this Jumbo is a big bugger of a jet.”

Bugger Off!

Please go away.

Bugger All

None or nothing.

               

Bastard

In correct English, an illegitimate child.

See mate or alternatively dickhead (which see in STICKS AND STONES). Can be given added emphasis by prefixing with fucken or cuntish, as fucken bastard or cuntish bastard. Also most noun, pronoun or adjective applications of bugger can be substituted for by bastard, as in “G’Day you old bastard!”, “this Jumbo is a big bastard of a jet!” and "This hippie senator is a cuntish bastard!"

Strewth

See bugger me! A Pommy abbreviation of ‘God’s Truth’, once used to imply the truth of a statement. Mainly used to convey a sense of disbelief or awe, as in “Strewth mate! that’s a big bugger of a distance to walk after a vasectomy!”

Stone The (Bloody) Crows!

See bugger me!

Strike Me Pink!

See bugger me!

Off Like A Bride’s Nightie

Quickly, as in “The head sherang put a rocket up Jacko's arse an’ he was off like a bride’s nightie!”

Sparrow’s fart

Very early in the morning, similar to the Seppo mil-i-tair-ree term, ‘oh dark hundred hours’.

Fair Dinkum

Often shortened to ‘Dinkum’. The truth, as in “fair dinkum, that’s what he really said!”.

Alternatively used to describe one who is honest, as in “that bloke is pretty dinkum”.

Fair Go

Opportunity, a fair and reasonable

Also, a verbal retort given by one who feels they have received a unreasonable request, poor deal or otherwise been shafted (which see)

Fair Crack Of The Whip:

                                See the statement of Fair Go.

Fair Suck Of The Sav’:

                                See the statement of Fair Go.

Is The Pope Catholic?:

                                Yes, definitely.

Does A Dog Fart?:

See Is The Pope Catholic?. Equivalent of the Seppo term ‘Does A Bear Shit In The Woods?’. Also as Does a Dog Hump your Leg?, Do Dogs Sniff Their Arses? or Can a Dog Lick his balls? Incidentally, in regard to this last statement, the rumour that dog’s lick their balls simply because they can is in fact misguided. The correct reason is that dogs cannot make a fist.

Pissing In One’s Pocket:

Lies, a statement short of the absolute truth. Overstating the virtues of someone or something, as in “I’ll double my dough by investing in Pyramid; Mate you’re pissing in my pocket!” or conversely “Mate I’m not pissing in your pocket; this vegemite stuff is really edible!”

More (insert objects) Than You Can Shake A Stick At:

                                My word there are rather a large numer of (insert objects) aren’t there?

Like No-one’s/Anyone’s/Nobody’s Business:

A qualifier used to lend emphasis to an observation of lavish or voracious activity or consumption , as in “Mate, you dribble shit like no-one’s business.”.

Like It’s Going Out Of Fashion:

See Like No-one’s/Anyone’s Business. More restricted to use in conjunction with observations regarding consumption, as in “you suck piss like it’s going out of fashion!”.

Every Swinging Dick:

Everybody, or at least a lot of people, as in “there’s a game of footy on the telly, so every swinging dick is packed into the smoko room”.

No Sweat:           Easy, a task not likely to raise a sweat during execution.

Rough as Guts: 

Any thing or person considered to be somewhat less than not bad or of low pedigree or presentation, as in “that sheila in the pub last night was as rough as guts!”.

The Duck’s Guts:

                Anything that is not bad, or better.

Alright: See the duck’s guts, (or not bad in FIRST GREETINGS)

Schmick(o):        See the duck’s guts. Often as a complimentary remark regarding someone’s achivement or acquisition, as in “This new car is pretty schmick!”

Bewdy!:               An exclamation made when one’s situation is not bad, as in “free piss for me and my mates? BEWDY!”. Also You Bewdy!, You Little Bewdy!,  Bloody Bewdy! or Bewdy Newk! the last being a reference to former tennis player John Newcombe.

Bonza!: See bewdy!. In declining usage.

Rippa!:  See bewdy! or The duck’s guts.

(It’ll/She’ll Be) Apples:

                It is, or will be alright. Usually said in response to a doubtful question or comment or in response to the outlining of a favourable plan, as in “If we take beers to the cricket it’ll be apples.”, “Don’t worry about the ban on BYO beers, she’ll be apples.” Or “you’re taking tinnies to the cricket? Apples, see ya at the gate.”

She’ll Be Right:

                It’ll be alright. Don’t worry.

No Worries Mate:

                See She’ll be right. Also a confirmatory acknowledgement to a request or inquirey, as in “The poms can’t hold Tobruk so wan’t us to? No Worries Mate”. Also as No F’urries, short for No Fucken Worries.

Ya Blood’s Worth Bottling:

                You’re rather alright.     

Jet:         Someone demonstrating a high proficiency for a given pursuit is described as a jet, in particular, when such proficiency is demonstrated in rapid order or unexpectedly or quietly without the subject having tickets on himself (which see in STICKS AND STONES).

Gun (Hand):       See jet.

Legend (In Your Own Lunchtime/Lunchbox/Underpants):

                A more lighthearted alternative to jet, useful if one aims to mildly take the piss out of the gun hand in question. This can also be used in a derogatory sense, particularly in third person, as in “Yeah, Johnno’s the man – he knows everything ever invented about pullin’ sheilas; he’s just a legend in his own lunchbox!”.

Happy As A Bastard On Father’s Day:

                Unhappy.

Happy As A Dog In A Car Park:

                Very happy.

Happy As A Pig In Shit:

                Happy. Equivalent of the similar pommy description of a pig in mud.

               

Good Enough For The Girls I Go With:

                Not quite the duck’s guts, but of an adequate standard nonetheless.

Better Than A Kick In The Nuts:

                See Good Enough For The Girls I Go With.

Better Than A Poke In The Eye With A Burnt Stick;

                See Good Enough For The Girls I Go With.

Better Than A Slap In The Face With A Wet Fish:

See Good Enough For The Girls I Go With.

More Arse Than Class:

                A fluke. A favourable outcome to an endeavour resulting from good fortune rather than by design.

Arsey:   Adjective for one who achieves a result that is more arse than class, as in, “You hit a six with your eyes shut! that’s pretty arsey!” or “You’re an arsey bastard mate!”

Piss Poor:            An antonym of the duck’s guts. Something rather ordinary or below average.

Dodgey:               Of a dubious nature, as in “this car is a bit dodgey.”

Jerry Built:           Of demonstrably poor build quality.

It Will Last As Long As A Fart In A Blizzard:

                It is jerry built.

Nigger Rigged:Similar to jerry built, this is a descriptive reference to an expedient lash-up, which can be expected to fail catastrophically at any moment.

They Shoot Horses!:

                An exclamation, made out of uncontrollable exasperation, that the subject or object is piss poor, jerry built or like an old mole at a christening (which see in WHADDAYA DO MATE?). It refers to the standard practice of shooting injured horses (particularly in the case of injuries such as fractured legs) rather than attempting presumably difficult treatment. One can use the alternative form of If This (insert object) Was A Horse, I’d Shoot It! particularly when the reference is to an object, as in, “If this fucked out old dunny door was a horse, I’d shoot it!”

Piss-Handle:       See jerry built or piss poor. Also a substitute for fucken (which see) or various other pronouns used to imply dis-satisfaction or disdain.

Piss Easy:             Very easy.

Piss Funny:         Very funny.

A Piece Of Piss:

                See piss easy.

Piss Weak:          lacking strength or fortitude.

In More Shit Than A Faggot’s Finger:

                Big trouble. Equivalent of the bland Seppo term ‘deep shit’, as in              “Mate if you get caught rooting the head sherang’s missus, you’ll be in more shit than a faggot’s finger!”

One Foot In The Grave And The Other On A Banana Skin:

                So old, crook or piss weak that an appointment with the reaper is presumed imminent.

A Country Mile:

                A qualitative expression of the divide between two objects of unequal quality, rather than an quantative measurement of distance. A country mile is an adjective of greater emphasis than a standard mile, or 1.6 kilometres, which maybe meant to imply that distances are greater in the bush (which see in WALKABOUT) or that country bumpkins are more dinkum than their city counterparts. As in “A Paley is better than a Bundy by a country mile!”.

Sticks Like Shit To A Blanket:

                                Colourful adjective for anything with resolute adhesive properties.

Dark As A Dog’s Guts:

                                Colourful Adjective for anyplace with poor lighting.

Sticks Out Like Dog’s Balls:

Colourful Adjective for something which is quite obvious, unmistakable, distinctive or out of place.

The Missus:        Originally referring to one’s trouble and strife, increasingly now used in reference to one’s girlfriend, following a poorly defined (but certainly not more than one week) trial period.

The War Office: See The Missus.

The Cook:            See The Missus.

Shacked Up:       To be sharing living accommodation with one’s missus or other half, as in, “They’re shacked up now days.”

Bare Foot And Pregnant:

                The condition of one’s missus once she is shacked up and knocked up (see in WANNA ROOT?). This is especially true of bogans, who having spent their meagre income (the dole) on essentials like piss, fags and juice for the V8 dunnydoor, haven’t got a brass razoo left over to squander on luxuries like food and clothes.

Dough:                 Money.

Shrapnel:             Originally a type of anti-personnel artillery shell invented during the first worldwide difference of opinion by a boffin of the same name, in which numerous ball bearings are embedded in the explosive charge. Now a reference to the annoyingly ubiquitous coins one receives as change for a stubby of piss at the pub and which although more robust than paper or plastic dough, is never the less cumbersome in the pockets of one’s strides.

Bikkies: See dough. Actually short for biscuits.

Hollywood Dollars:

                Dough earned in abundance, often the reward for little actual or perceivable work.  The comparison is obvious.

A Brass Razoo:

                See dough. Usually in reference to a lack or deficiency of dough, as in, “Mate, after last night’s pub-crawl, I haven’t got a brass razoo!”. Also, the condition of monetary ill supply can also be described as Not Having Twenty Cents To Rub Together.

Cough Up:           Pay.

Fork Out:             See cough up.

Shell Out:            See cough up.

Slick as Six Yards of Dog Shit:

Anything which is seen to be an effort at high fashion but which is considered by the commentator to be irredeemably shithouse (such as high shine thongs) can be described thus, as in “that Wanker with the earrings and the Porsche is as slick as six yards of dog shit!”. Usually one who is slick as six yards of dog shit can also be fairly assumed to be a Wanker (which see in STICKS AND STONES).

Had A Gutful:     Had enough, as in “I’ve had a gutful of this job!”

All Beer And Skittles:

                Used to imply one’s lot is no better than that of a cobber dribbling shit about being down trodden, as in “having a purple helmeted custard chucker the size of a horse isn’t ALL beer and skittles”.

Sense Of Humour Failure:

                Reach the limits of one’s tolerance.

Get A (Big Black/Brown, Woolly) Dog Up Ya!:

                Actually supposed to mean nick off! (which see in WALKABOUT) but more often simply a means of making noise in much the way dogs in packs howl for no reason better than they like the sound. This is especially true if the speaker is pissed (which see in ON THE  PISS).

Stick That Up Ya (Woolly) Jumper And Smoke It:

So there. Equivalent of the more sensible Pommy ‘phrase stick that in your pipe and smoke it!’.

Given The Arse:

To be on the receiving end of a bad deal or poor treatment, as in “Ansett shareholders were really given the arse”, see also fucked over.

To be made to leave a place or position , as in “Gough Whitlam was a shitful prime minister, so he was given the arse”. Also as got(ten) the arse or gave/give him/her/them the arse.

Shafted:               See fucked over.

Gotten By The Short And Curlies:

                To find oneself in a situation with little or no choice but to follow a course of events beyond one’s control. Similar to the Seppo, ‘Gotten by the balls’, but making reference to being gripped by the pubic hair, as in “His ex got ‘erself a good lawyer and now she’s got him by the short and curlies.”

Got The Rough End Of The Pineapple:

                See fucked over, as in “They gave you the arse just for pissing in the head sherang’s mug, shit mate you got the rough end of the pineapple!”

Got The Rough End Of The Stick:

                See fucked over.

So Unlucky That If It Were Raining Virgins, He’d Be Hit By A Poof!:

                Do you really need it spelled out?

Fuck:     Though not unique to ‘Straya, it is of common use and universal application and thus deserves mention.  Without delving heavily into common international uses of Fuck, many of which are of Seppo origin and thus overused, some of the particularly common uses of Fuck in ‘Strayan are as listed below.

The statement, Fuck Off! in its simplest use, instructs one to please go away. Also as Get Fucked!, Fuck right off! or Get the fuck out of it! (See bugger off!).

See buggered, bugger all and the other uses of bugger to express bewilderment or exasperation, for which equivalent terms using fuck can be used, such as as “I’ll be fucked!”, also commonly as Fuck’s Sake! or Fuck A Duck!

Also describes something that is objectionable, as in “Opera is fucked!” (see a load of wank or shitful).

A state of inebriation (see pissed) as in “I’m fucked!”.

Very little or indeed nothing, as fuck all, as in “You’ve got fuck all chance of rooting that sheila you dopey bugger!”.

See also dickhead, as in “Mate, you’re a fuckhead!” or “Mate, you’re a dopey fucker!”

                Additionally, Fuck Off in many of its forms can, like bugger off! be used to express exasperation, despair or disbelief, as in, “I’m going impotent? fuck off!”, “If you want me to eat that vegan shit, you can just fuck right off!” or “Get fucked! I’m not coughing up that much dough!”.

The use of Fuck Off! may also be used in response to an unfavourable event as a means of anger management, in particular the failure of a computer may be hailed thus.

Fucked Right Up; Ruined, damaged, destroyed, deformed, disfigured, disturbed, terminated, ended, you get the idea...

Also see Fuck in WANNA ROOT?

Fucken:                ‘Strayan bastardisation of fucking. A general-purpose pro-noun, adjective or adverb used in order to lend extra emphasis to a statement of high praise or high disdain, as in “Rooting that sheila was fucken not bad!” or “Mate you’re a fucken wanker!”. Also simply to lend further emphasis, as in, “That Jumbo is a fucken big bastard of a jet!”. Not to be confused with the physical act of love; the verb fucking being said in it’s pure, universally understood form.

Fucked Out:       A statement which describes a state of unservicability or disagreeable quality and can be used in regard to a person, inanimate object or activity, as in, “I wouldn’t drive a Dunny Door, they’re fucked out!”, or “This game is fucked out!”. Also, “I wouldn’t drive a fucked out Dunny Door!”. Often said as simply Fucked. See also rooted.

Fucked Over:     Related to the Seppo ‘fucked up’. See given the arse, specifically as related to receiving a bad deal, as in “Ansett shareholders were really fucked over”.

Fuck Up!:             Shut up, be quiet, as in “Just fuck up you fucken little fuckhead!”

Be Fucked!:        A decisive alternative to a simple no, as in, “I’m going to your mother’s house for dinner? be fucked!”

Don’t/Couldn’t Give A Flying Fuck!:

A colourful means of stating  disinterest or disregard for a statement made by the receiver qualifying objectionable actions. It is usually used during a heated yarn by one who is coming the raw prawn (which see). As in “I don’t give a flying fuck who told you to put your dick in me beer!!” or “I really couldn’t give a flying fuck whether your friends agree that I don’t buy you enough shit.”

Also as I Couldn’t Give Two Fucks!

Fuck Me Gently With A Chain Saw!:

                See bugger me!

Fuck My Big Brown Dog!:

                See bugger me!

Fuck Me Drunk!:

                See bugger me!

Fuck Me Dead!:

                See bugger me!

Couldn’t Give A Rat’s Arse:

                See couldn’t give a flying fuck.

Couldn’t Give Two Knobs Of Goat Shit:

                See couldn’t give a flying fuck.

Buckley’s (Chance):

                The probability of a favourable outcome to a request or desire when it is a vanishingly small positive number, as in “you’ve got Buckley’s chance of gettin’ free piss!” or, “You want free piss? You’ve got Buckley’s mate!”

                Also common in the form You’ve Got Two Chance’s: Buckley’s And None/Fuck All.

Shit:       Also, like fuck, not uniquely ‘Strayan itself but worthy of mention for its common use and as the stem of some colourful ‘Strayan turns of phrase.

A general plural reference to any material object, as in “I’ll just go to the car and get my shit”.

A blatant lie, as in “that’s a load o’ shit!”. See also bullshit

and Shit in IN THE DUNNY.

Shithouse:          An antonym of the duck’s guts. Something bad, poor, offensive or odious, as in “This feed is Shithouse!”. Also simply as “This feed is SHIT!”.

Shit For Brains:

Often pronounced Shit-fer-Brains or Shitfa-brains, is a alternative to dickhead, the implication being clear.

Getting The Shits Up:

Describes one developing a bad mood, which is described also as Getting Shitty. Once foul temper has been achieved, the subject is said to be Shitty, In A Shit, In A Shit(ty/ful) Mood or to have Got(ten) The Shits (Up), as in “There’s no need to get the shits up!” or “You don’t have to get shitty just because I leave the dunny seat up!” and “The war office has got the shits up, AGAIN!”, “He’s in a shit!”, “You’re in a shitty mood” . See narky.

Shitting Like A Big Black Alsatian:

Fear or nervousness in its most acute form, as in “He was shitting like A big black Alsatian”. Similarly fear can be expressed by the simple reference to involuntary bowel evacuation as “I was shitting myself!” or “I shit myself!”. Equivalent of the Pommy terms ‘Kacking my/him/herself’ or ‘kacking in me trolleys’ or ‘kacked myself’. More uniquely ‘Strayan are the phrases “I shit/shat (in) my/me dacks!” and the rhetorical question;

Do Farts Have Lumps? No? (Uh Oh), Then I’ve Just Shit Me-self!

Hanging Shit:     

To make fun of, as in “no need to go coming the raw prawn mate, I’m just hanging shit on you.”, or “I like hanging shit on this dickhead.”.

Bullshit:                A lie, or something stated which is mistaken or is far removed from repeatable, demonstrable fact or observation. Also a slightly more emphatic alternative to Shit, as in “This circus is bullshit mate”.

Bullshit Artist: One known to frequently tell bullshit.

Dribble(ing) Shit:             

The act of telling bullshit.

Bull:       See Bullshit.

Crap:     See Shit or Bullshit.

Take(ing) The Piss out of: See hanging shit, as in “no need to go coming the raw prawn mate, I’m just taking the piss (out of you).”, “I like taking the piss out of this dickhead.”, or “I like to take the piss out of this dickhead.”

‘Strayans are not commonly heard using this phrase in the way Pommies usually do in questioning the (veiled) meaning of a potential adversary’s previous comment or offer, as in “So Guv’nah, you sez you’ll givuz a fiver fa this ‘ere tele’ wot I nicked, lahk. Are you takin’ the piss or woh?!”

Having A Lend Of:

See hanging shit.

Having A Go At:

See hanging shit.

Cottoned On:    Enlightenment. The gaining of understanding. To grasp the meaning of what a mate is yarping on about. As in “Blue’s finally cottoned on to what we’ve been telling ‘im”.